I was hanging out with single folks from my seminary the other day for dinner and dessert. We were discussing how difficult it is to get a job in the PCA and EPC if you are single…and I chimed in, “Yeah…but because I’m gay, I’ve got two strikes against me.”

Immediately, my phone beeped. This is the text message I received:

Hey brother, been thinking about you a ton lately. I think God is going to use you to do things you can’t even imagine for the glory of his name. Praying for you and the work He has laid out for you to do, work we don’t even know yet. Love you.

Very rarely do I ever see something like that which makes me sit up and say, “God really does care.” I mean, life is full of what often feels like happy accidents. If this was just an accident, well…I don’t think it is. The odds are better on me being struck by lightning, I’m sure.

To the person who sent me this text, thank you. You were faithful to encourage a brother who was down…and you probably didn’t even know that I’ve struggled a lot this semester with calling, the future, God’s love, and even depression. You were willing to send a text–something so simple and yet so encouraging.

To the people with whom I ate on Sunday, thanks for being awesome friends with whom I can be myself, unedited and unapologetic.

God has been incredibly good to me…and will continue to be.

I spent some time talking with a mentor today about some previous ministry experience and he was extremely helpful in his advice, but one thing stood out to me: one of the biggest errors I’ve made in relational dealings in the past is that I tend to deal with people as I wish to be dealt with, not as they’d prefer. I expect a leader to know immediately the answer to questions, so I have immediate answers at my disposal, instead of finding out if they’d see that as me writing them off. I expect thorough, thoughtful interaction with what I’ve said or written, so I send long emails to people dealing with what they’ve said, instead of looking for face-to-face interaction. After all, if someone wants to say something to me in an email, why take an hour (travel-time, meeting, whatever) to do something that can be done in 30 seconds (them skimming my message)?

But this is a terrible way to do relationship and ministry. And now I have to un-learn the old way of doing things in order to better serve others.

‘Welcoming’ in a Christian worldview means ‘all repentant sinners are welcome to hear the gospel and believe.’

This is true as far as it goes, but I think many conservative Christians don’t really practice this. I don’t know Dr. White personally, so I’ll assume what I consider to be the best and guess that he has actually done what I’m going to suggest.

Is *your* welcome mat out?

Recently I had dinner with a perfectly wonderful family. We sat at the table and enjoyed delicious food and laughed a lot. But a point in the conversation came where the mom of the family began to talk about a woman she’d become acquainted with had married another woman. She rolled her eyes at the suggestion that her husband and her should do as Jesus did–eat with sinners.

“Won’t that imply we agree with her life decisions?” asked the mom.

“No,” I said. “You have relatives who believe all sorts of things you disagree with. You don’t approve of divorce, but most people have family members who’ve gone through that pain–and they will still eat with them. Everyone needs the Gospel…why not make her feel welcome?”

I know in my own upbringing, we admitted that we were sinners. But we didn’t fellowship with sinners whose sins were different or more taboo than ours. We weren’t interested in actually befriending anyone; we were more interested in them meeting God before we had to meet them.If God accepts people as they are, we should do the same. Accepting someone as they are doesn’t mean putting them on a timetable of change. It doesn’t mean withholding the good news of Christ’s redemption from them, either. It means eating with people, valuing them as human beings, showing them genuine, tangible love.

Imagine you have a mismatched outfit on. Someone comes to your house whom you’ve never met but maybe once or twice. You are going to go to the art show in town and you’re grabbing your coat. You know that this person is a fashion designer, so you already feel slightly judged, but you think you might like hanging with this person. They see you and they immediately begin to harp on your mismatched outfit.

Do you ever want to see them again?

Even if what they say is true?

I mean…it’s TRUE what they’re saying. Hot pink and fuchsia don’t match. They’re actually painful to look at in almost any light.

They’re right. But incredibly rude.

Wouldn’t it be more Christ-like if we came alongside people…showed them they’re more than their mismatched clothes (read: sin)…and  really loved them? Then when we tell them, “You have the desire to have a bright, vibrant outfit on…and that’s awesome and creative. I saw you wearing a great pair of pants the other day that would look great with that top you’re wearing,” we’ve actually earned the right to say that. And not only earned the right–we’ve become less likely to value the truth over valuing the person.

Don’t just say you love someone. Love them. Truly. Christ demands nothing less from His Bride.

This is what bothers me about what I hear from certain kinds of reparative therapies: offering hope to gay people seems to amount to a prediction of orientation change (assuming the correct regimen is followed). And whenever a Christian expresses doubt about the surety of that prediction, the response can often take the form of, ‘Well, you just don’t have enough faith.’ (Or as a licensed professional counselor, a Christian with a certain angle on reparative therapy, once said to me, ‘That sounds like depression.’)

Yeah…something like that.

Check it out.

This is a great article from the Odd Man Out blog. Check it out!

It’s truly amazing how much difference three days can make. Two days ago, it was sunny at 61 at 11 am. Yesterday, it was in the low 70s and overcast. Today, it’s snowing off and on and below freezing. I grew up here, so you’d think I’d be used to it. The adage is true: if you don’t like the weather in the midwest, wait five minutes: it’ll change.

The weather around here almost mirrors my emotional state. Having grown up Pentecostal, I tend to equate my emotional state with how God feels about me. I don’t know why that is, but that’s the way I feel my way through life. I know it’s incorrect…and I do what I can to fight against that.

Still…all the up-and-down wears me out.

I’d love it if this blog post turned into a wonderful reminder of the Gospel. But not all of the psalms do that and life is never (or rarely) that neat and tidy.

I haven’t really taken the time to grieve many things. I haven’t been angry about the things that I should be angry about. I haven’t prayed or loved or lamented properly through my life. Moreover, I have no idea how to begin. Knowing one needs to do something differently without knowing what to do differently is a very frustrating thing indeed.

I agree with him. If he hasn’t been reoriented, calling himself ex-gay would be inappropriate. It’s why I don’t call myself ex-gay. He’s also right…people in the Church don’t often understand the terminology because they don’t understand what “gay” actually even means in today’s English usage.

This is Matt Moore’s testimony:

Let’s pray for this brother. I appreciate his candor and his repentance.

I dragged myself to church this morning. I was feeling really low. I literally sat at my desk at 11:20 (5 min. after church had started, 10 min. away), and thought, “What’s the use?”

But the prayer this morning included lines about helping me to sing to Christ whole-heartedly…and to prepare me for the Lord’s Supper. And I decided, well, I’ve already prayed these things…might as well go to church. So I did. And I was incredibly blessed by what happened there this morning.

After the service, I was talking with the liturgist (who is also a professor of mine) and we were discussing a friend that I have and how I’m trying to encourage him in his marriage and so on. As I was describing the conversations I’ve had with him in the last few days/weeks, the liturgist said to me,

“You’ll make a good pastor.”

I was sort of taken aback by this…I think I almost cried. Will I? Right now I just feel like a screw-up. I can’t seem to think I’ll be good at much of anything after my last academic semester…

And yet, he continued by telling me that I have a great sense of relationships and relational difficulty…and that I don’t have to be 50 to have good experiences with that.

He really encouraged me this morning. I thank God for this man. Some days, nearly all I have to go on is the affirmation of a Christian brother or sister. I mean, God uses means to encourage us…so this is no surprise that a good God would encourage me through others.

I think I’m learning not to take others for granted. If I want to tell them I love them…and especially if they need to hear it, I want to tell them exactly that. I want to love others with the same love I’ve been shown…through the Cross…and through this brother who encourages me.

Thanks, brother. You know who you are. You bless my life in ways you’ll never fully grasp.